VICTORY

First off I would like to say I weighed this afternoon and I had just eaten a sandwich, drank a big bottle of water and had to pee like a Russian race horse and I only weighed 338-339. The scales couldn't make its mind up. So Im thinking maybe 338-337. 

Either way VICTORY!!!

Tonight I went and shook my tail feathers at Zumba for an hour. My hair makes me so hot. The way I have it cut makes it difficult to do anything with it in the back to cool me off. So I braided the long part and then used a barrett to clip it up. That lasted about 10 minutes before it fell. Who cares. It was still cooler. By the end of the class I was able to literally WRING FAT out of the braid.

SICK!!!

I promised to leave fat on that floor and by gosh that is exactly what I did too!

Then I stuck around for some good ole Flab Fighters. Another packed class. That should tell you what a great place I go work out at is. A few times I thought my arms may fall off. Then I got a charlie horse in my thigh as we were laying down with 1 leg crossed over the knee and lifting our butts up. Man that smarts.

After class was over I remembered Jill was leaving my prize I won for me. Its a pedometer/calorie counter. I havnt looked too much at it yet. Came home, rested. cooked dinner and now I'm talking to myself in my head as I type this. I wanted to wear it at Zumba and compare it to my Fitbit. But obviously I forgot it was even there. Oh well. There is Zumba tomorrow.

This week our assignment is to write down everything we eat and create a deficit in our calories. The mathematical formula for me is 

655 + (4.35 x 338) + (4.7 x 68) - (4.7 x 40) = BMR 2257 calories a day

to maintain a weight of  338. I am striving for 1600 calories a day max. Add in any exercise classes I do and I could actually achieve probably a half a pound a day weight loss or 3 1/2 lbs a week. I am so happy with that number. HOWEVER I have alot of strong competition. I want to win this like nothing else. I want to be healthy. My goal is 5 pounds a week. I need a deficit of at least 3000 calories a day to loose 1 pound. Alot of work but possible. Again I am perfectly happy with 3 1/2 pounds.

Im not getting real hungry during the day. I am trying my best to remember to eat every 2-3 hours and eat 200-300 calories each time to keep full. So my fat doesn't panic and store itself in my ass (any more than it already has).  My biggest problem is when I think about what I'm not doing. That I'm not mindlessly eating. That is what makes me hungry. Or think I'm hungry. Pretty much boredom and mental games my fat is playing with me. 

My team is all working so hard. I'm proud they are part of my team. I'm also pretty confident that we will take 1st,2nd, and 3rd place. Clean sweep baby. It still scares me a little bit that I will fail and revert back to my old self. I love my new self. I enjoy the energy I get after I have about gave myself a heart attack. Yeah I'm dead tired but still ready to go.....Until I sit down for awhile. Then everything screams "What have you done with yourself?! Knock it off!" So I'm a little slower moving for a few minutes. I know over time it will be better.

I'm a HoneyBadger Baby!!!

I can do ANYTHING I feel like!!! 

 

My Crazy Life

It feels like it has been forever since I last blogged. 

The weight loss challenge formally started. I weighed in at 341. I have so much work to do. I know I can do this but it is SO hard. I am trying to only have about 1600 calories a day. I have had to miss some workouts and I feel so discouraged. It still is more than I have done in the 40 years of my life so I guess I should not be so hard on myself. I still go to class at least 5 days a week.

Wednesday was a horrible day and I emotionally ate lunch. I ate at City Buffet with my daughter. That is the best Chinese restaurant. I had my usual favorite when I go there. I had 7-9 dumplings (pot stickers) and the house chicken. I don't eat the fried rice or noodles. I don't like theirs. So I guess not all was bad. Kim called me to check on Audrie and I told her what I had for lunch. I didn't have to. I promised her I would eat a salad for dinner. And I am happy to say that I did.

Wednesday morning I went to the 530am Pilates class. Man that is so early. I came home and was waiting for my husband to come home so I could go with him to the heart Dr appointment. Audrie also has an appointment at the hyperbaric wound center in Boise for her burn on her leg that keeps opening and won't heal. So I told her to go and I would see her later.

She works in Boise so its not like I am sending her off to some strange city far away by herself. It is 20 miles away. She was gone maybe 15 minutes and my phone rings. I didn't recognize the number and answered. They knew my name. And I immediately thought of her and my stomach sank. It was Ada county police dispatch. She had been rear ended in the interstate and was being transported by ambulance to the hospital. I was assures she didn't have life threatening injuries but still. That type of accident on the interstate at freeway speeds. You die from that.

As i approached the accident i got even more emotional than I already was. I dreaded having to see her or her car. There was 3 cars involved. Her car didn't look too bad. I beat her to the hospital. When she got there she was so scared. Couldn't quit shaking. She was on a c-spine board and in a neck brace.

Her back, neck and knee were xrayed and then she had a ct done. She ended up having severe whiplash and bruising. So glad it wasn't anything more serious. 

The lady that hit her first had been tail gating her for about 5 miles. She slowed down with traffic and the lady didn't. So she hit Audrie. Then the car behind her hit the lady hitting Audrie a 2nd time. The lady blames the car behind her hitting her and sending her into Audrie. Doesn't make sense but whatever. Audrie's car and the lady's car were both towed and impounded because they were transported to the hospital and they couldn't be left there. Stupid. The police could have asked if there was someone who could move the cars. Both were able to be driven away. So I had to pay $187 to retrieve her car and now have to wait in litigation to be reimbursed. Pisses me off.

Then yesterday I woke during the night not able to breathe and was having a nasty asthma attack. I was able to get in under control without having to go to the hospital. Just what I would have needed. Then when I got up I was sick wheezy so I had to take prednisone. Which makes me starve to death. But I have to breathe.

I did Zumba last night with Shasta. I just love her to death. She is so sweet. I had to stop one time because I was wheezy. I used my inhaler and was tired but ok after that. Today is Flab Fighters with Kim. She is another person that has been so influential in my weight loss success. I don't know where I would be without the help from the Studio and her wonderful trainers. They truly care about the person and not the $$.

I weighed this morning when I got up and was 340. I wish it had been a few pounds more but hey at least it is not 343. Slow and steady.

My Last Meal

So tonight was my last meal before the weigh in.

Yeah I can have anything I want to eat

anytime I want as long as it is in moderation,

but I need to concentrate on eating healthy

right now more than anything. There will be 

plenty of time for me to have a free day 

down the road.

We went to Sizzler. It was not the best. It was

crazy busy and they had 2 whole bussers

leaving many tables dirty while people

stood waiting for a table. We requested a booth

as the retarded little table they try to

sit you at is about the same size as my

wooden tv trays for eating dinner in front of the tv.

Even after I told them we wanted a booth they

try to sit us at the miniature table.

So we finally get a booth after waiting 20 minutes.

I think the management needed to get

their butts out there and bus some tables.

That's what they are there for right? To make

sure everything runs smoothly? Didn't see 1. 

I have to squeeze into the booth after pushing

my overflowing muffin body thru the small

space between the table and seat. There should

be standards restaurants should have to go by 

just like hospitals do for the larger person.

The bathroom you can't even get a wheel chair in 

there and have room to turn the chair around

to get out.

But anyways back to the food!!

I ordered a malibu chicken with a backed potato with

butter and the salad bar. I actually got a salad. I got 2 hard boiled eggs 

and of course only ate the yolks. I hate the whites.

I think I was very good. The malibu chicken came

and I had about 2 bites of the bakes potato and a little over half

of the chicken. I was already so full.

Being that I already threw my guts up all day

prior I was also rethinking my idea of even

eating food period. And my stomach is hurting already.

I don't know maybe I just have the crud. Thankfully

I have gotten my flu shot or it could be worse

I suppose. The next few days I will have liquids,broth

and bland stuff. Give the ole gut a rest.

I'm nervous about tomorrow. I don't know why. I started my new life

 journey on Dec 20th 2011. I have already been at it a month already.

What has been going thru my little mind...

Tomorrow at 9am is the official kick off of the WLC. Some of the GREAT instructors from NampaFitStudio will have a tent outside and treat you all to some free classes from 9-2pm. I know one if the classes will be the ever popular ZUMBA. It's so much fun.

I am so nervous yet so excited to get this party going already.

I have had a rough couple days this past week. I recently started a new shot for the type 2 diabetes.It's a new shot called Victoza. It stimulates the pancreas to make insulin on it's own. As a "side" effect you tend to eat less resulting in weight loss. Well another crappy side effect is it makes you puke and if you are ever so lucky diarrhea too. Last Thursday I made it part way thru Flab Fighters and I had to go puke. Warm Room Yoga that I signed up for that followed was a bomb. Puked more. So I laid on the floor for the hour which hurt my back to where I could hardly walk after. Then I puked all the way home. I started doing my shot in the thigh and that has been better than in the belly. Belly hurt less but oh well. I took Friday and Saturday off to feel better. And I did.

Until...

Wednesday I woke up during the night with horrible stomach pain and puking so I missed class. I returned last night and had a very good night. I was beat after but I felt it was productive. Then back on schedule for my Friday morning classes. Cardiokick was hard. But that is what it is supposed to be. I should feel challenged or what is the point in even going. Then an hour and a half later it is time for Flab Fighters and I was feeling the night before and this morning catching up with me. I felt like puking but kept trying to tell myself suck it up you are fine.

NOT

I threw up a little over half way in. That sucks so much to have to stop and run to the bathroom to puke. I mouthed to Kim what I was going to do. Everyone else is working hard and I am busy prying over the porcelain throne. I know they understand too but i feel like I let myself down. I came out and Kim had me sit down for a few minutes. I came back in for the last little bit but I still felt like a mack truck just backed over me.

After class was over I stayed for a few minutes but then decided I better get home before the next round of puking hit. The road was so bumpy. You feel every bump when you are sick. I pulled over 8 more times to hurl before I made it home. It was like doing extra crunches. My stomach is still spasiming. I don't think it's the flu I think it is still just time to get used to my shot and working so hard.

My hard work is paying off finally. When I started this the end of Dec 2011 I was weighing 356. On the 18th of January I weighed 344 and today after all my puking I weighed 340.1. Im sure some of that is the puking but I have also been working my ass off. Literally.

I went to the Orthopedic Dr On Tuesday to see about my hip. It burns alot. Feels like I am being burned with a hot iron, stuck with a million needles or quite frankly electrocuted from my right hip to my right knee. He did X-rays and it shows the disc right above where I had my spinal fusion for ruptured discs in 2004 is completely gone and I need back surgery again. When is still in question. I go in Tuesday afternoon for a MRI with contrast. I just love being stuffed into those machines. There is no room in there with me the size I am. I'm sick of being super sized. I won't be super sized for much longer...

Weight Loss Challenge (WLC) Assignment #1

Why am I doing the Weight Loss Challenge Contest?

I'm doing it because I want to live longer and be healthy. For the month of December there are so many bad things that have happened in my life. I have lost loved ones and my husband has almost died twice. When he got hurt in Dec 2010 he wasn't even aware of what month it was because of his injury and he kept telling them it was September. We were married in September and both of our birthdays are in September as well so my sister and I agreed then we would no longer celebrate December and It would be referred to as September. My husband later agreed.

This year towards the end and seeing my weight continue to climb I decided it was time to make something positive come out of the last month of the year instead of all the bad things. I am taking charge of my health and I'm going to shed all these unwanted unhealthy pounds.I've been married for 21 years and  I want to be here with my husband another 21 or more years. I love him more than anything and couldn't stand to be without him and I know he would be devastated if he lost me as well.

I took part in the contest last year and during the 2nd month I GAINED weight so I quit discouraged. I wasn't on a team and had no other support except for my family. I didn't exercise and was hoping It would just fall off as easily as it snuck up upon me. This year is going to be different. Not only do I still have the outpouring support of my family I have the support of all my friends at Nampa Fit Studio as well. I exercise at least twice a day 6 days a week. They make exercise enjoyable.

How did I get to this point in my life?
I turn to food as a comforting mechanism. There were many bad things that happened to me as a little kid and it still bothers me. To deal with it I learned to eat something. They don't call it comfort food for nothing. When I was little I had a cousin have me put my chin down to my neck to see if I had a double chin. I had one and asked what it meant. he told me it meant I was going to be fat as an adult. This stuck with me but I don't think he was being mean when he had me do this.

This sucks but I guess I need to say it. From when I was very little until I was in my early teens I was sexually abused by a family member. Too afraid to say anything for fear what would happen. Would I be believed? Would I be hurt more the next time? I did  have one close cousin who at one point caught on to this other person who was hurting me. He did the best he could do to protect me and would beat him up every chance he got. But it still continued.

Many emotions still come back off and on with me being abused. Even as an adult it still bothers me more than anyone will ever know.I know it is not my fault. Learning at such a young age to eat something when you are sad to make yourself feel better is such a terribly hard habit to break. I still feel helpless and I carry ALOT of anger.

As a kid I felt it was out of my control. I didn't know any better. Pretty much anything I ever wanted to eat was available to me. So when I was sad and depressed I turned to food. I didn't really gain weight though until I was about 14 when I started my period. Then I started to get a little chubby. I wasn't overly obese just not anorexic skinny. I wore a 12 to 14 in high school.

I got married when I was 18 (a few weeks shy of my 19th birthday) and was already a few months pregnant. I had quit school on my 18th birthday and my husband and I decided I really should go back to school and get my diploma since I only had my senior year left. Where I was from they were opening a teen parent school. You had to either be pregnant or already have a baby to attend. It covered all the core high school classes but had a nursery, preschool and parenting classes as well.

 I never really was brought up with fruits and vegetables as part of the meal everytime. Not to balme my mother but she would rather take us to Burger King or Mcdonalds. And sadly my kids also didn't learn a better nutritional way to eat. But I do cook 90% of all our meals. I love to cook and I am very good at it.

When you are pregnant you naturally eat more. To me it was just like any other time. We were allowed to have food on our desks at school. The teacher didn't care. At the beginging of my pregnancy I weighed 165 lbs. By the time I was 6 months along I had reached 200 lbs. My belly was so big it hurt to walk. As a result the Dr put me on homebound schooling until my daughter was born. When I had her in Feb 1991 I was around 220 lbs. I was tested for gestational diabetes and didn't have it. I also didn't deliver a large baby. She was normal size a little over 8 lbs.

I didn't worry too much about my weight I gained because I was under the impression as soon as I gave birth it would fall off. WRONG. I lost maybe 20 lbs but would always end up gaining it back. Then 9 months later I was pregnant again. With my son I only gained 31 lbs. A significant amount less than my daughter.  Even after I had him I found it difficult to lose the weight.

 I started having more peristant problems with my asthma after my son was born. I know the weight didn't help. I was getting wheezy just carrying him.  I had asthma problems growing up but was never treated for it. In PE I would get so wheezy and the ignorant gym teacher would yell at me and tell me I was out of shape and to step it up she didn't care. So I dreaded PE and hated her. I ultimately flumked PE in 8th grade and barely scraped by in high school (especially if it was with the same ignorant teacher).

 I started going to a Pulmonologist 3 months after my son was born (Nov 1992) and was put on Prednisone to help me breathe. Are you familiar with prednisone? It's a steroid that if at all possible you should avoid. What started out as a week on them turned into over 10 years of steroid dependance. I was on a very high dose just to maintain my breathing and have any quality of life. Some of the side effects are a round face, facial hair and WEIGHT GAIN. Because of my dosage and long term use it could be considered a prescribed overdose. But what do you do? Not breathe?

When you take prednisone it makes you SO HUNGRY. Obviously I wasn't eating carrots and salad. I didn't exercise other than walking at work. I was in the hospital every 4-6 weeks because my asthma attacks would be so severe I would need IV steroids. In January 2006 I had an asthma attack that almost took my life. I was on a ventilator for almost a week. I was kept asleep and in lala land with the famous "Michael Jackson" drug.  Since that time I have been on a ventilator two more times.

Thankfully I have been off the steroids for a few years. Only needing them here and there. I now get a Xolair shot once a month. It is my miracle drug. I still tend to get a little wheezy the week my shot is due so I take it easy. But I have gained so much weight it is depressing and hard to take off. Lose 5 lb gain back 7.

In 2004 I had to have back surgery on my lower back due to ruptured discs. It was a major surgery. I weighed 300 then. I know all the weight is so hard on my back but it is so hard to take off. As time progresses it seems to keep growing and growing. I have had back problems since then and the Dr was rude. He flat said there was nothing he would do for me unless I lost weight. Belittling me and asking if I knew how many bags of dog food I was carrying around and how I didn't care.

So even though my back hurt I would just suck it up because I was not going back to him. I know I need to lose weight and it does no good to say hurtful things to people. I hear the enough from total strangers when I am at the store, or when my family goes out to eat. I can feel their stares. I quit getting on the scales because frankly why bother. My clothes are getting tighter and even my fat pants that were loose I am having trouble buttoning them.

Sore Sore Sore Today

 I took today off from my workout because Im so sore and was so stiff this morning it hurt to walk. I would not have done myself any favors had I went to class. I would have bent over and collapsed and probably embarrass myself and cry. When I have been working out I have been giving it my all. I havnt really lost any weight yet to brag about but I know its coming. I have other signs its working. 

I can get up and down off the floor easier.

I can bend over easier.

I have more energy throughout the day.

My jeans in the hips area seems a little looser. (Could just be me but it doesn't feel as tight)

I'm not needing my inhaler during the workouts. 

I read this today and I'm going to print it and hang it all over the house to remind me when I'm doubting myself. 

Even if you can't physically

see the results in front

of you,

EVERY SINGLE effort

is changing your body

from the INSIDE. 

Never get

discouraged.

   I for one am discouraged easily. I know I am working so hard and faithfully doing my workouts and eating good. It really bites when you behave and get on the scale and whatever you had lost (however little it was) is right back on and brought a few of his pound friends along. It's just nice to physically see progress. 

I went to the Dr today to see how I'm doing with my diabetes and get the results of my liver ultra sound. I had planned on fasting the whole day just so I wouldn't weigh more and I want  to make the Dr proud of me and in case I needed to have fasting labs done. But my big guts started eating my little guts and I ate. I made a tuna sandwich and about an hour after I ate it i remembered I wasn't going to eat. Oh well.

So I "pre-weigh" at home so I know about what their scale will weigh/ I didn't like the results so I got on backwards, sideways, holding my left foot up, then the right,and then doing the karate kid pose. Nope all still said 354. I really felt like getting the hammer. So my husband weighed and he yelled at them also. Lol. At the Dr I also weighed 354. One good thing I guess is that they both weighed me the same.

So my ultra sound was good. No tumors or cysts or anything on the liver. Just showed I have a fatty liver. Shocker! I have a fatty butt too. I wasn't having any problems but the liver enzyme test I had done was elevated twice the normal amount it should have been. I had been on some meds for diabetes that helped aggravate it also so he stopped those last month. He put me back on Lantus but that just caused my blood sugars to be higher and out of the normal range than if I didn't take any insulin. So we switched over to Levimer (another long acting insulin) instead. He also said I probably have a low (I can't remember what he called it so I'm calling it an enzyme so bear with me) enzyme level that controls hunger and feeling full. So that works against me. Then I take the insulin and that causes me to be hungry. So I started another shot that is like Byetta and it's called Victoza. It helps stimulate the pancreas to make insulin. One other benefit is it helps you feel full faster so you don't eat as much. The only bad part is getting used to it. For the first couple weeks it causes you to get nauseated after you take it when you eat. I return again in a month.

Last night at Flab Fighters Kim promised to make us hurt. We all worked so hard. Sometimes I feel as though I am ready to drop dead but I feel so much better doing this. I also used the 8 lb weights during class. Boy those suckers got so heavy but it isn't going to benefit me so be a wussy. Before the class I did half a Zumba class but stopped because I knew I needed my energy and was also going to do Hip Hop Hustle for the first time. Hip Hop Hustle was alot of fun. I was so pooped tho. Then this morning when my alarm went off at 5:15 I could hardly walk. It was a tough choice to make but I decided to take today off and take it easy.

Tomorrow is a brand new day. I ordered a Fitbit and it is supposed to be here. So when I go to Flab Fighters tomorrow night I can get a better insight on my actual calories burned. I also have a Bodybugg but I hate the fact that you have to buy a subscription in order to see calories you have burned. Kinda a rip off if you ask me since they are so expensive in the first place. The Fitbit doesn't cost anything to see all the info. They do have a premium subscription you can buy if you want to compare your results with your friends. Right now I am focusing on me.

Guess what? I have hit the BIG TIME. I am on the NampaFitStudio's  website under success stories. I can't wait for the world to see me go from plus size to normal size. I'm tired of the stereotypical phrase for overweight women "Oh but she has such a pretty face". I have an even prettier face when I'm not over weight even though it's been 21 years since I saw it last. I won't lie I am nervous. 

 

When I was young

Growing up I wasn't over weight. I was not tiny by any means but I wasn't chubby. I can remember though my one cousin that I worshiped the ground he walked on told me I would be fat one day. It wasn't said to be mean. He had me put my chin down to my chest and I had a double chin. I must have been about 9 or 10. If I can find a picture of me then I will post it. My Grandma got mad at him and told him not to tell me that. It didn't bother me but it always stuck with me in the back of my head and here I am chubby. 

When I turned 14 and started my period is when I started gaining a little more weight. Again not a whole lot but I know I was a little fuller than other girls. When I got married I weighed about 160 and was my starting weight when I was pregnant with Audrie. I wore a six 13. I still don't view that as fat. To me thats a healthy size. While I would love to be a size that is a single digit I would be happy being a size 12 or even a 10. I know that will be alot of hard work but I'm not s sissy. I'm a HONEY BADGER!

During my pregnancy with Audrie I gained so much weight. I went from 160 to 220!!!! She was a normal size baby. She was a giraffe tho. So long. I think I gained so much weight because I went to a teen parent school for my last year of high school. I quit school the day I turned 18 because my mom was being too controlling and rude. I didn't want to be at home and I didn't want to be at school. So I quit school and moved out the same day. I then worked 10 - 12 hours a day and I loved that. 

I met my husband on the "cruise" one night and the rest was history, I knew he would be mine. 21 1/2 years later he is still mine. I love him so much and wouldn't know what I would do without him. Im sure when one of us dies the other will die of a broken heart. I married him 10 months after my eyes locked onto him. And yes I was already 3 months pregnant. To all those who said it would never last because he was a "bad" boy or because since I was already pregnant that was the only reason we married, I say IN YOUR FACE. 

Since I was pregnant and had a rough early pregnancy with morning sickness I didn't work. So we decided I needed to go back to high school and get my diploma. There was a teen parent school that had opened that year so that's where I went. We were allowed to have food and drinks the whole day. Anytime we wanted it. I know I ate my fair share of stuff I'm sure I didn't need but the weight piled on fast. They tested me for gestational diabetes because of the weight gain and I didn't have it. (It would turn out 5 years later ( I think it really should have been 6 weeks later because she was in the hospital for awhile at 6 weeks old and again at 6 months old ) that Audrie had type 1 diabetes). So I would get lectured at my Dr appointments by the dietician. I know it wasn't meant to be mean. I really was trying to be good. 

With my 2nd pregnancy when I had Scott I started at around 210 and when I had him I was 235-240. So A big difference in the weight gain. After I had him I had my tubes tied and I lost a little weight but I have never seen my weight below 200 since 1991. My weight has been up and down each time getting higher and higher. I always said to myself (because of the double chin thing when I was little so I guess emotionally it did effect me) when I reach 200 I will stop eating. How can anyone let themself get that big? Then of course when I hit 200 it became I will never weigh more than 250. Then it was 275...300...325...350... And here we are at present.

I am going to do this. I was semi successful a few years ago doing a herbalife weighloss challenge. I came in 2nd place. I started at I want to say 340ish and ended at 292. I didn't really exercise then. I mean I did some. I went to Curves in Middleton and would walk on the treadmill or ride the bike but honestly it bored me. there was no one there to influence me. No one cared if I did it or not. That's why I LOVE NAMPAFITSTUDIO . I have my own personal trainer there every time I go. They get excited to see me. They push me to give a little more when they see fit and understand when I need to stop or need modifications. I will continue this forever. 

I have been so luckyto not have a heart attack, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or any other horrible things I have been able to avoid. I have had problems but compared with what I could have go wrong I feel so lucky. I have had major back surgery (but I have a bad back even as a kid. I had (or have I dont know if you ever grow out of it) scoliosis), SEVERE allergic asthma (part of which is probably aggravated by my weight but I am allergic to so many things and they make me sick) , type 2 diabetes (thanks to steroids I was dependent on for 15+ years (massive doses constantly of I wanted to breathe), sleep apnea (100% because of my weight I'm sure) , Gerd (again probably from my weight) and I have Sarcoidosis (which has nothing to do with my weight). 

So this is the year I'm making it happen. The year I'm 40!!

Boy I have been making my fat cry

Do you know what sweat is? Its fat crying. I have been making it bawl its eyes out. Then as revenge it runs down into my eyes and stings. RUDE. 

Last night was Zumba and then Flab Fighters. I wasn't signed up for Zumba but Audrie was. There was only a handful of people there and I was bored so I decided to do it also and then right after my Flab Fighter class. Oh boy. I quickly decided I had better save my energy for my class and went and parked it. Kim was sick so we had another instructor take her place. To say I wasn't nervous would be a lie. Not just because this lady teaches the Boot Camp class on Saturdays and we all know how hard you work in a class like that, but more so it was just another new person. But you know what. I LOVED her. She was great. Even if we did have to sit against the wall and lift weights. Your legs sure feel that and then your arms want to fall right off at the arm pit. My knees were dripping with crying fat as it rolled down my leg. That was very distracting. Then I swear my ear canals filled up with more bawl baby fat tears. My eyes felt as though I was chopping onions with the sweat running in them. All they while she was worried she was working us too hard. She wasn't but boy she gives Kim a run for her money. I'm up for it. BRING IT!! Lol.

Uh oh now she is going to kick it up a notch I can just feel it.

Today I made some taquitos/floutas type things for lunch. They were neither one or another but more like part of each. Too fat for a taquito and didn;t have the sauce (like Jalapeno's puts on them....Oh how I love eating at Jalapenos) that floutas I've had has had on them. I think they were fairly decent as far as not to fat and good for me. Each one had about 125 calories with about 3 grams of fat if I counted right. All I used was cooked cubed chicken breast (no skin), salsa, shredded cheddar cheese, a corn tortilla and a little olive oil to fry them in. You could also use a dry pan or spray some cooking spray in it and do it that way. They are so good.

2012 New Year New Me

So here we are in 2012. Yesterday I did 2 classes bright and early in the morning. I felt like I had never exercised before and was so sore after. So many muscles were worked and my abs ached for the rest of the day. I am rested up today and ready to start all over again.

I weighed myself this morning and was disappointed. It says I am back to 354. I really don't understand and this is part of what discourages me. I work my ass off exercising and being good and lose some weight only to go 2 days with no additional exercise and basically I'm back to the starting point. What gives? I know muscles are better than fat but this is discouraging.

The reason I am so big is from 10+ years being so dependent on prednisone so I could breathe. I was taking 60mg for months at a time. It is not intended to be taken this way but we had no choice. It was either that or being 6ft under.  I have COPD (even never smoking 1 cigarette in my life) due to how severe my asthma is and chronic bronchitis infections. I get pneumonia extremely easy. I started getting a shot once a month called Xolair that I have to go to the hospital to receive because it has so many complications like having an allergic reaction and not breathing. This has enabled me to be off the prednisone for about a year and a half.

I have had to be intubated 3 times and that is so scary. Its the worst feeling not being able to breath and know the whole time that you can die. The first time I was in the ER the day before due to a horrible asthma attack.They gave me solumedrol (IV steroids) and I felt better so they let me go. I wished they hadn't. The next day I woke up wheezy and my husband has just left for work. My kids were getting ready for school. My daughter came in to start my nebulizer because I got sick so fast I couldn't do it. It was like someone was smothering me. I told her 911. I then told her to call her dad to come back. He hadn't been gone but 5 minutes and had just gotten to work. The paramedics got there and I remember them getting my oxygen level and going to start an iv. I looked back and my husband was in the doorway to our bedroom as I said "I can't breathe". I stopped breathing. My poor husband and kids had to witness me there basically dead. He didn't quite know how he was going to tell my parents I had died.

My mouth  was clenched shut. My heart had stopped beating. So they worked and worked on me finally getting back a heart beat and pried my mouth open. They put me in a bag to drag me downstairs and outside to the lawn. We lived in a two story home and because of my size that was the easiest way to move me. Of course my husband thought  I had passed because of the bag. I spent the next 6 days on a ventilator letting it do all of my breathing. They were not sure if or when I would be able to breathe on my own or any brain damage that could have occurred. My body was so swollen because of muscle break down. I was unable to sleep very good for months because of the fear I wouldn't wake up. I had nightmares because of the one drug they would give me to keep me sedated. I would see shadows in my room and sometimes they would grab me. Luckily I recovered just fine.

The next two occasions I was taken out to the ambulance and because they knew I had been intubated before and how fast I deteriorate the decision was made to immediately intubate me. The last time I had a nurse who was dumber than a box of rocks and she almost killed me. As she was watching the sunrise and playing with some machine giving me medicine I had thrown up and was in the process of aspirating on it. I was tied down like all the other times because it is just a natural instinct to pull that out of your throat but managed to get 1 arm free and pulled out the tube so I didn't drown in my own vomit. She of course acted like I did it on purpose and she didn't know why. Once my voice returned I told them why. Thankfully I didn't need to be reintubated. I started the Xolair shot the following month and it has been a heaven sent.

I had to have back surgery in Dec 2004. I had 2 ruptured discs in the lower part of my back. That surgery went well. I have had similar problems with the discs above where was fixed but the Dr seems more concerned with me losing weight than helping me with the back pain problem. he is very rude about it too so I refuse to go back to him even though he did an excellent job with my first surgery.