Tuesday, January 3, 2012

2012 New Year New Me

So here we are in 2012. Yesterday I did 2 classes bright and early in the morning. I felt like I had never exercised before and was so sore after. So many muscles were worked and my abs ached for the rest of the day. I am rested up today and ready to start all over again.

I weighed myself this morning and was disappointed. It says I am back to 354. I really don't understand and this is part of what discourages me. I work my ass off exercising and being good and lose some weight only to go 2 days with no additional exercise and basically I'm back to the starting point. What gives? I know muscles are better than fat but this is discouraging.

The reason I am so big is from 10+ years being so dependent on prednisone so I could breathe. I was taking 60mg for months at a time. It is not intended to be taken this way but we had no choice. It was either that or being 6ft under.  I have COPD (even never smoking 1 cigarette in my life) due to how severe my asthma is and chronic bronchitis infections. I get pneumonia extremely easy. I started getting a shot once a month called Xolair that I have to go to the hospital to receive because it has so many complications like having an allergic reaction and not breathing. This has enabled me to be off the prednisone for about a year and a half.

I have had to be intubated 3 times and that is so scary. Its the worst feeling not being able to breath and know the whole time that you can die. The first time I was in the ER the day before due to a horrible asthma attack.They gave me solumedrol (IV steroids) and I felt better so they let me go. I wished they hadn't. The next day I woke up wheezy and my husband has just left for work. My kids were getting ready for school. My daughter came in to start my nebulizer because I got sick so fast I couldn't do it. It was like someone was smothering me. I told her 911. I then told her to call her dad to come back. He hadn't been gone but 5 minutes and had just gotten to work. The paramedics got there and I remember them getting my oxygen level and going to start an iv. I looked back and my husband was in the doorway to our bedroom as I said "I can't breathe". I stopped breathing. My poor husband and kids had to witness me there basically dead. He didn't quite know how he was going to tell my parents I had died.

My mouth  was clenched shut. My heart had stopped beating. So they worked and worked on me finally getting back a heart beat and pried my mouth open. They put me in a bag to drag me downstairs and outside to the lawn. We lived in a two story home and because of my size that was the easiest way to move me. Of course my husband thought  I had passed because of the bag. I spent the next 6 days on a ventilator letting it do all of my breathing. They were not sure if or when I would be able to breathe on my own or any brain damage that could have occurred. My body was so swollen because of muscle break down. I was unable to sleep very good for months because of the fear I wouldn't wake up. I had nightmares because of the one drug they would give me to keep me sedated. I would see shadows in my room and sometimes they would grab me. Luckily I recovered just fine.

The next two occasions I was taken out to the ambulance and because they knew I had been intubated before and how fast I deteriorate the decision was made to immediately intubate me. The last time I had a nurse who was dumber than a box of rocks and she almost killed me. As she was watching the sunrise and playing with some machine giving me medicine I had thrown up and was in the process of aspirating on it. I was tied down like all the other times because it is just a natural instinct to pull that out of your throat but managed to get 1 arm free and pulled out the tube so I didn't drown in my own vomit. She of course acted like I did it on purpose and she didn't know why. Once my voice returned I told them why. Thankfully I didn't need to be reintubated. I started the Xolair shot the following month and it has been a heaven sent.

I had to have back surgery in Dec 2004. I had 2 ruptured discs in the lower part of my back. That surgery went well. I have had similar problems with the discs above where was fixed but the Dr seems more concerned with me losing weight than helping me with the back pain problem. he is very rude about it too so I refuse to go back to him even though he did an excellent job with my first surgery.

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